I was asked to share my reflection by my teacher on one of the habits of Public Victory, which focused on success in working with other people – on Habit 4: Think Win/ Win.
Contrary to the title, Think Win/Win is not about being nice; neither is it a technique, program nor quick fix anecdote to make people cooperate. It is a philosophy for human interaction. Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing – that is if I win, you lose or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. Win/ Win is one of the six paradigms of interaction. The others are Win/ Lose, Lose/ Win, Lose/ Lose, Win. Of the six paradigms of interaction, which is the most effective? The best choice depends on reality. However, if the situation is part of an interdependent reality, then Win/ Win is the only viable alternative. Win/ Win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win/ Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/ Win means agreements or solutions that are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying. Win/ Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everyone. Win/ Win is a belief that it is not your way or my way, it is a better way! However, if there is no agreeable solution to both – then there is Win/ Win or No Deal!
Character is the foundation of Win/ Win attitude and has three character traits, namely integrity (our own values), maturity (expressing feelings and conviction with courage with consideration for feelings and convictions of others) and abundance. Many people think in either/or terms: if you are nice, you are not tough. Win/ Win attitude is both! Both nice and tough! To go for Win/ Win, not only have to be nice, but also need to be courageous. Not only have to emphatic, but also have to be confident. Not to be considerate and sensitive, but also to be brave. And all these are only possible by achieving a balance between courage and consideration which is the essence of real maturity and fundamental to Win/ Win.
So, what does that mean to me? In last week’s reflection, I spoke of my purpose at work is to take responsible for the holistic care of and to grow and develop my teachers. Therefore, I decided to look at my role as a people developer and together with my teachers evaluated my maturity level in our relationship based on courage and consideration – one relationship which I would like to develop using the Win/ Win approach. Below is a summary of the evaluation of my maturity level in my relationship by my teachers and myself. The results showed that I am above average in courage (average 7.7) and high in consideration (average 8.8).
Both my teachers have considered me high in both courage and consideration – which I hope to live up to their expectations. As for myself, I placed myself slightly above average on courage but believed that I am high on consideration. Hence, my personal action is to have the courage to express myself and be able to courageously confront while staying considerate of other’s feelings. In this way, I hope to be frank and honest with others so as to let others know clearly how I see the situation and still willing to listen and respect the other person’s perspectives.
Having completed my assessment of my maturity level, I am now ready to move forward to start cultivating a Win/ Win relationship with my teachers by looking for mutually beneficial solutions and by continuous teacher engagement through having clear expectations, communication, listening with empathy, honest and frank feedback, respect and always providing a helping hand.
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