My Take on “Synergize”

My second day reading brings me to habit 6 of Public Victory: Synergize is the principle of applying creative cooperation which I am able to relate to my own experience with teams (SMC team and small group learning team).

Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. The essence of synergy is to value differences – to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses. Synergy requires the opening of mind and heart and expressions to find new possibilities, new alternatives, and new options together. However, to many, this does not just happen. It is a process and through such process, when people interact genuinely and are open with each other, new insights and plans that no one anticipated before can be created and achieved. Hence, synergy holds the important idea that the whole is greater than sum of its parts.

So, what does that mean to me? To leverage on the strength of others, it is very important that I am able to recognize and value their difference. So, how much do I value difference? I took a short quiz, tapping on questions that are found in the website (http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMM_36.htm), focusing on valuing differences. Below is the summary of how I rated my own behavior or attitude regarding the statements.

My score of 4 out of 5 stars (generated from the quiz test) seemed to indicate that I am able to manage differences of others. As for myself, I know my own limitations and if I really desire to be effectively independent and interdependent, there is a need for me to open myself to the ideas of others, to learn and add the knowledge, experiences and understandings of others at every opportunity. Hence, valuing the difference of others –always putting myself in the other’s shoes – is the key.

Below is an example of what I perceived as teamwork and the conditions needed to support synergy.

I think of a group of teachers in a small group learning team. The time I took to really get to know the both of them (about one semester) – through which they came to feel I understood them (both colleagues having evaluated me high in both courage and consideration) and that I was willing to listen and do what they asked of me. Likewise, they were willing to do what I wanted of them. Once we established that level of trust, it become easier for all of us to practice synergy working together. As a team, we would do many things collaboratively, learning together and sharing responsibility, which led to an understanding of ourselves. There are things that each of us struggled with but use each other’s individual talents for the benefit of our learning team.

 

My Take on “Seek First to Understand, Then to be understood”

I beathed a sigh of relief that the meetings have come to an end. Now I will continue with my readings on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and add on new thoughts to support my quest to be successful in working with other people. The habit I am referring to is Habit 5 on Public Victory: "Seek First to Understand, Then to be understood" focuses on communication skills which I come to believe based on my interactions with teachers during my leadership journey.  

   

Communication, which includes reading, writing, speaking and listening are important skills in life. Although, there is formal education on reading, writing and speaking, there seemed to be lack of proper training in listening skill – that will enable listening for deeper understanding based on the other person’s own point of view. Seek first to understand refers to listening with the intent to understand and not to reply. Hence, to be an effective communicator, first seek to understand the person’s viewpoints – really understanding what is going on inside that person before getting the person to understand you.  There are 4 levels of “listening” including pretend listening (not really listening to you), selective listening (listen to only certain parts of the conversation), attentive listening (listen paying attention and focusing on words you say) and empathy listening (listen with the intent to understand you). Empathy listening involves fully, deeply understanding of a person, emotionally and intellectually. Such empathy listening involves listening with our ears, and also listening with our eyes and heart – listening for feeling, for meaning. Next to physical needs, the greatest need of human being is psychological survival – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.

So, what does that mean to me? To develop on my listening awareness to become an empathic listener, I invited people to rate my own listening skills. Below is a summary of the ratings of the various people on my listening skills.

The results of average 3.63 showed that most found me having both traits of an attentive and empathic listener. Most see that I focus my listening not just with the intent to reply, but with some intention also to understand. I myself believe that I do carefully listen for word being said by the other person, but at times decisions were based on and compared against my own life experience. This is especially so when the communicated scenario sounds familiar to me or when I am able to relate to the situation or when I feel strongly for or against something!

But is trying to relate to the other by drawing on one’s experience bad? Well, the reading made me realized that even with very sincere desires, true listening must mean that you forget about yourself but truly step inside the other person, so concentrating all your energy on being with the other person when listening is essential.

Now that I am more familiar with my listening level, I will constantly remind myself not to draw on my own experience and come to a premature decision whenever I am having conversations with others. Instead, I want to focus my attention on being with the other person to understand. In this way, I hope to better my communication with the person at the right time with the right intent. 

My Take on “Think Win/ Win”

I was asked to share my reflection by my teacher on one of the habits of Public Victory, which focused on success in working with other people – on Habit 4: Think Win/ Win.

Contrary to the title, Think Win/Win is not about being nice; neither is it a technique, program nor quick fix anecdote to make people cooperate. It is a philosophy for human interaction. Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing – that is if I win, you lose or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. Win/ Win is one of the six paradigms of interaction. The others are Win/ Lose, Lose/ Win, Lose/ Lose, Win. Of the six paradigms of interaction, which is the most effective? The best choice depends on reality. However, if the situation is part of an interdependent reality, then Win/ Win is the only viable alternative. Win/ Win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win/ Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/ Win means agreements or solutions that are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying. Win/ Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everyone. Win/ Win is a belief that it is not your way or my way, it is a better way! However, if there is no agreeable solution to both – then there is Win/ Win or No Deal!

Character is the foundation of Win/ Win attitude and has three character traits, namely integrity (our own values), maturity (expressing feelings and conviction with courage with consideration for feelings and convictions of others) and abundance. Many people think in either/or terms: if you are nice, you are not tough. Win/ Win attitude is both! Both nice and tough! To go for Win/ Win, not only have to be nice, but also need to be courageous. Not only have to emphatic, but also have to be confident. Not to be considerate and sensitive, but also to be brave. And all these are only possible by achieving a balance between courage and consideration which is the essence of real maturity and fundamental to Win/ Win.

So, what does that mean to me? In last week’s reflection, I spoke of my purpose at work is to take responsible for the holistic care of and to grow and develop my teachers. Therefore, I decided to look at my role as a people developer and together with my teachers evaluated my maturity level in our relationship based on courage and consideration – one relationship which I would like to develop using the Win/ Win approach. Below is a summary of the evaluation of my maturity level in my relationship by my teachers and myself. The results showed that I am above average in courage (average 7.7) and high in consideration (average 8.8).

 

Both my teachers have considered me high in both courage and consideration – which I hope to live up to their expectations. As for myself, I placed myself slightly above average on courage but believed that I am high on consideration. Hence, my personal action is to have the courage to express myself and be able to courageously confront while staying considerate of other’s feelings. In this way, I hope to be frank and honest with others so as to let others know clearly how I see the situation and still willing to listen and respect the other person’s perspectives.

Having completed my assessment of my maturity level, I am now ready to move forward to start cultivating a Win/ Win relationship with my teachers by looking for mutually beneficial solutions and by continuous teacher engagement through having clear expectations, communication, listening with empathy, honest and frank feedback, respect and always providing a helping hand.