Chaos

These two weeks were Chaos. While reflection upon teaching as I waited for my hair to “dry”, I made this conclusion.

There was anxiety as the examination dates approaches and uncertainity, not, however, about my efforts to teach my students. It is rather of how much farther my graduating normal technical and express students were able to go with my efforts. It was about the limits given, especially my express graduating students’ readiness, whom I only step up to teach this year. Of course, this was about wanting to teach my students well.

Then, there are other aspects within the school which I too have to deal with and this involves dealing with teacher. I do not like to deal with negative, ineffective colleagues, but as a middle manager, I suppose I must. However, as I took another look at the characteristics of the teacher, I can see the personality part of a person. Now this is how I choose to react to this “chaotic” situation.

“What is wrong with chaos?” you may ask.

“Well, it should not be so. Chaos is bad, isn’t it? Have you seen my desk?” I thought to myself… “Hmmm…….” As I continue to think about it, I realized that it may not be that chaotic after all. I knew where my things were, and I did not have to sort through filing systems to find anything. In piles, maybe, but usually accessible by me.

 “So what is wrong with chaos?” I now ask.

I suppose people can be more organized, but this does not make chaos wrong. Instead, life is not there always organized, but at times, like these two weeks for me, was chaotic. Hence, I decided to befriend chaos, to welcome it and then try my best to bring it under control. In another word, I try not to panic, but just figure out what course of actions I want to take so that there is no “disorganized” part of my story – to focus on students’ understanding of the lesson, to do drill and practice, to keep an open mind regarding teacher and not be influenced by “negative comments”.

So I started to organize my task differently. Rather than look at the “mess”, heave a big sigh, and wonder why it will not move on, I went to look at what is available to me – my firm expectations to my students on their coming examinations, my short structured lessons after school, and also my other teacher colleagues. My maintaining of the high students’ expectations of the coming examinations is the “map” that provides my students with the direction to achieve in the examinations. The short structured lesson after school helped engaged the students in the learning environment that creates action. I also looked upon my teacher colleagues for help, and found abundance of other teachers’ “help” available, spinning with me. So, I guide some of this spinning – where my colleague immediately called the hospital directly and requested the doctor’s report, which I know now, will be available the day after. Another teacher helped me complete the teacher’s report and contact the student and her parents to inform them of the application for special arrangement for examinations.

Just as a glassblower who guides the hot liquid as it spins, I decided to shape this chaos to suit my mission. And now, the “bad” story has evaporated.