Monday, April 28, 2014

What is inside Me?



Last week, one of my teacher’s reflections was about how and why he became a school counselor. His first reflection speaks about his upbeat and purposeful feelings whenever he counsel students. I believed that this is so because his main motivation in becoming a school counselor is to counsel students – hence through counseling students he found the work rewarding and meaningful. 

My first reflection of T2, I spoke about teaching is never easy, but right now it is an especially tough time to be a teacher. Among the many “businesses”, it is indeed easy for us to lose perspective of where we are really going.

I have had experienced hard times when I barely was able to keep myself in survival mode or defensive attitudes of negative teachers with no sense of direction. But other times being a teacher provided me with the chance to feel empowered and to develop one of the finest human qualities, such as human connection, shared wonderment with students, and commitment by fellow teachers. I realized that it is the later that held the greatest positive potential of my position as teacher – the way I can touch and open my students’ minds as well as hearts and energize myself at the same time.

My reflections provided me with a great help in making sense of present and past teaching experience. So is remaining in touch with what is still growing inside me – the qualities and longing to grow and manifest for future times.

As I experienced the different roles and responsibilities this year, I become more aware of my own true potential, and so the more I can “self-talk” myself about all the good things I have to offer, hence the greater the possibility of it becoming a reality. That is what I think made the difference between “Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen and others make it happen.” – a quote from my favorite NBA Basketball Player.

Hence, it is also important for me have a vision of my potential and that of my students. For me, it is about learning more and feeling better, both physically and emotionally. I want to widen my knowledge, focusing on the importance of positive teacher student relationships aimed at building a productive climate and meeting the needs of the students. Last week’s reflection, I mentioned about wanting my students to know that learning does not just stop at the end of schooling – that learning is lifelong process and that we are all never too old to learn and I want to model it for my students.  I also want to take care of myself and rest appropriately so that I have all the energy that’s needed for everyday teaching and for my family after work. I believe that it is such vision that will keep me focused and energized in my daily work with a strong sense of purpose.
  

Sunday, April 20, 2014

What I most want to pass along as A Teacher?



This week, my reflection continues to explore my lived experience as a teacher.

As teachers we impart knowledge and learning as we mold our students – giving advice and guidance to them. Often the advice is filtered through our own life experience. While we give such advice whole-heartedly with only good intentions, sometimes, it is received by students as lectures or “shoulds”.

How did this happen? One of the reasons may be such good intention advice should not be about “we teachers” knowing what’s best for “them – our students”. What could we do to transform our advice into actual guidance for our students?

Well, I came to realize after observing my school leaders at work that there is a need to change my directive voice (aka advice) into non-directive voice. But what will it take to enable me to do so? This requires me to be humble, caring and respectful for the journeys of our students are going through. Hence, I need to be more open hearted to acknowledge the “largeness” of life and the mystery of what future holds for each of them. In this way, they – my students are not about “me” knowing what is best for “them”

However, there are also important things I want to pass along to all my students. I want my students to know that learning does not just stop at the end of the school day, the end of examinations or when the school terms end. Learning is lifelong process, and that we are all never too old to learn. Reasoning is important, not just during mathematics lesson but in every lesson. I want them to be lifelong reasoning thinkers. To reason to draw conclusion, to reason so as to infer and make judgment. Also, knowing how to live with what we have, value it and responsibly share it with other.

Indeed, as I reflect on these important things I want to pass along – though still in progress – it helps filled my teaching with warmth and depth.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Listening deeply



One of the most important aspects of being a teacher is undoubtedly the relationship with our students, especially with teenagers.

There are great times when everything is running smoothly, communication flows easily, and we feel on top of the world. I am sure all teachers at one point and another would have experienced this! But at times we also have to deal with hostility, anger or even hurtful remarks toward us – more likely the authority we represent. Or we have to deal with classroom conflicts and scary issues such as bullying and fight. This year, I came to find out of how some of them will find skillful ways to undermine teacher’s self-esteem and authority, and others even manage to elicit from teachers what they most dislike about themselves.

To me, the worst occurs when relationship with difficult colleagues gets stuck in a negative pattern, and there is a feeling of bitterness or even isolation. Throughout my years in school, I know of probably students who will confront and push teachers to very limits of our patience – but from negative colleagues? Or maybe I should reexamine how much I am letting them ruin my fun week?

That is why I realized that my own emotions and awareness are so critical in this teaching profession. It is especially important for me as head of department to see beyond the surface, to read situations accurately, and to realize what the problematic situation I am constantly being tested on, along with my flexibility to adapt and change.

When I listen deeply to both my students and positive colleagues, they become my teachers. I can then touch the depth of their true feelings and needs which I discovered when I did the survey and attended the focused group discussion. I also discovered my own developmental lacks and blind spots that they witness daily.

Those magic moments when we manage to treat students and fellow teachers as sensible human beings, even in difficult situations, express our professionalism, care and concern for our students. True healing happens.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

To Healthy Habits and Routines



I began my T2W1 reflection with “Teaching is never easy”. I would like to add that teaching is also a stressful job. The burn-out rate, stress-related health problems are indeed happening among many of us teachers I know.

Personally, the best thing being a teacher is to being able to provide a safe environment for my students to explore parts of their being – may it be public speaking or social interaction. Our students do having difficulties communicating ideas and opinions – the skill to communicate freely. Even for myself, I had to keep telling myself to relax and speak naturally. The most precious moments in school so far this year have been those times when I looked to the podium (every morning) or stage (during sec 1 orientation) and seeing my students speaking freely, even though it may be only a few minutes – confidently articulating in front of the whole school, rising from being terrified to now believing in themselves which most of them didn’t know they could.

The worst thing being a teacher is the juggling of many things on our plate, trying to keep in balance all the different demands required of the profession. There are times when there are actions that we may not agree with that cause us painful inner clashes. Sometimes, conflict among staff occurs where “passive” aggression hangs in the air. The educational landscape has also changed with visible shifts towards preparing students for life and not just to pass examinations and find jobs. And even the most optimistic of us teachers will feel disheartened after reading mid-year examination results and facing the truth of what our students have – and have not – really learnt. One of my AYHs spoke about this feeling of frustration because “no one seems interested to listen to what they have to say about how things could get better.” I thought about this and decided that such feeling of being alone and disappointed may be due to the fact that these teachers not being able to find emphatic listeners for their own needs and demands.

While I believe that preventing all these from affecting our health and well-being is not completely in our hands, learnt and having a coping mechanism can make a big difference. For me, a “self-care” plan includes reliable ways to release stress, recharge, connecting with people I care about, enjoy my “white-space” time, and watching my favorite movies. In the end, I came to this realization that in order for the quality of our teaching to improve, I have to actively take good care of myself through healthy habits and routines.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

My evolving journey as a teacher



As I progress along my teaching career, I came to the realization that my teaching life is an evolving journey. Before I started teaching, I had a certain set of expectations about myself and about teaching. As soon as I begin teaching as a contract, and I begin immersing myself in the actual reality of school, I begin to discover who I am as I reacted and adapted to the challenges, pains and joys of teaching.

Once thing is for sure, I am constantly learning from my own mistakes. I question myself and these questions open new paths for exploration. I select specific courses according to the different stages of my teaching journey. I came to realize the different batches of students with different learning needs and had to adapt my teaching to cater to these needs. Over and over again, I am tested of the limits I can do in my classroom, of my own personal limits, the risks I am willing to take with particular groups, of course, within the frame of school rules. One of my school leaders spoke about being a good husband, a good father and a good educator – all the same time? Am I successful at this? Maybe I am still trying and trying. Hence, experience has become my best teacher.

As I reflect upon my teaching journey, I try to follow the path of what I have been trying to articulate and achieve (and the difficulties, both inside and outside of school that I have to face and overcome along the way, some of which I am still trying to overcome). As I progress, the different roles and responsibilities I take on (from CCA Oi/c, mentor, subject head and now HOD) made me realized how I have changed from who I was as a beginning teacher. At times, I even find myself living different versions of the same situation – having gone through both the “best of times” and “worst of times” in the same school for several years now.

The New Year and new role presents me with the possibility of new learning around these recurring same school contexts. Do I need to change context? But for now, within this school will both my deepest meaning of my evolving journey as a teacher and the hidden bud which I hope to next grow.